"23" is a funny but heartfelt look at the profound influence of parents in shaping the personalities and values of their children. This book is filled with stories that will make the reader laugh, cry and reflect on how our families influence us in ways big and small.
From the author:
The space within the walls of 23 Harrington Avenue was both three-dimensional and non-dimensional. Compared to the houses where we all live now, it seems like such a small space for a family of five. But we did not think of it in that way. I never remember wishing we had more space, or hoping we could move into a bigger house. We were content there in that three-dimensional space. It was all the space we ever wanted or needed.
But there is another way of describing the space where we lived—the non-dimensional space between Mother and Daddy. At 23, we grew up in the space between two parents who were very different in many ways, and very similar in other ways. Sometimes the space between Mother and Daddy was vast, and other times there was no daylight between them. They were similar, but different. There was separateness in their closeness, diversity in their unity. Together, they created a healthy space in which we learned about ourselves and each other, the world around us, and the God above us.
At heart, Mother and Daddy had the same core values, rooted and grounded in their Christian faith. But Daddy’s expression of faith was quite different from Mother’s. Daddy was a doubter who believed. He had honest doubts, as we all do. But he was willing to ask the questions out loud that we would have been embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid to ask, and some questions that we would have never even thought to ask. Mother, on the other hand, focused more on what she did know rather than on what she did not know. Her faith was simple but deep. She accepted by faith what she could not understand, and she focused on what she knew in her heart to be true. At 23, we grew up in the healthy space between doubt and faith.
Depending on whom you ask, Daddy was either a pessimist or a realist. For him, the glass was almost always half (or completely) empty. While Daddy guarded against disappointment by lowering expectations, Mother guarded against disappointment by way of her optimism. She always looked on the bright side and could find the silver lining in every dark cloud. Daddy would see bad things as reasons to question the effectiveness of prayer, but Mother would see bad things as a reason to pray all the more. At 23, we grew up in the healthy space between false hope and hope.
Even though my parents approached life from different angles, they usually ended up in the same place. We could never play one against the other, no matter how many times we tried. Their solidarity always gave us a sense of security and safety. The greatest gift they ever gave us was to love one another first and foremost. We never had to doubt or wonder if they were going to be there for each other, or for us. But because they were two very different personalities, my brothers and I found plenty of room to explore life in that safe space between doubt and faith, false hope and hope, justice and mercy. And even though we no longer live in that three-dimensional space, we continue to live in that non-dimensional space that still gives us plenty of room to grow.
Stephen Clyborne is senior pastor of Earle Street Baptist Church in Greenville, South Carolina. A graduate of Furman University, he earned his master of divinity and doctor of ministry degrees at Erskine Theological Seminary, where he has also served as an adjunct professor.
